Let’s go ahead and admit what we as wives envision before marriage: Beautiful symphonic music starts playing now……we “see” some version of us as a princess bride riding off in the sunset with our forever adoring husband to live oh-so-happily ever after! Right?
Haha! Ok marriage romance doesn’t always play out like that.
BUT enduring romance certainly can be a reality– and it should be!
There are definitely some key things wives can do to keep the romance alive and well in their marriage!!
#1- Evaluate how you speak to your husband and make adjustments!
This matters in a really big way. Wives must evaluate how they speak to their husbands- not just once, but REGULARLY.
Why? You know why if you’re a wife.
This maternal nature that God put in us…sometimes has a way of coming out in the way we talk to our husbands. Oh my. Wives often mother their husbands. You know, good ole nagging, scolding, patronizing type talk.
A huge mistake.
(Read more about that in my post “3 Ways a Wife can hurt her marriage without meaning to.”)
Suffice it to say, how romantic do you think your husband will act if he feels like a child being scolded by his mommy?
Ugh. No ma’am. Don’t do it.
Your husband is a man. Speak to him like one. And watch how this sets the stage for romance! (for you AND for him!!)
#2- Take good care of yourself physically!
This is a great way for a wife to keep the romance alive in her marriage! But I know there are a lot of pressures here for us as women. There are 2 extremes waiting for us.
- We can definitely fixate on caring too much about our appearance or
- We can just give up and let ourselves go.
Let’s deal with number one first:
We simply have to say NO to obsessing over what we would call the perfect body. For many women it’s a temptation that we must resist. Turning to God‘s Word and acknowledging that we are fearfully and wonderfully made is a very good place to start.
There is much that can be said about this! For our purpose, in the context of keeping romance alive in marriage, we want to enjoy looking as nice as we can for our husband. He does notice!
God’s word says in 1 Corinthians 7 that husbands’ and wives’ bodies actually belong to each other.
So considering our husband when it comes to our physical appearance is important and wise.
Which brings me to number two:
So many wives get caught up in loving and serving and working that taking care of themselves is the last thing on the priority list.
Time goes by….. and you realize all you wear is yoga pants an old T-shirts when you don’t have to dress nice for work or church, etc.
I remember meeting another mom friend at a playground to let our small children play. She had on that type of an outfit: yoga pants & T-shirt. And at around 4 o’clock, she said she needed to get home to take a shower before her husband got home!
I asked her about it and she said if she doesn’t get to shower & get ready in the morning, that she makes sure she is “ready” by the time he gets home!
She simply told me she thinks it’s important that her husband knows he’s worth her looking her best for him.
That made an impression on me. I instantly knew she understood something vital!
“Getting ready” is you know, looking nice- (for many of us this involves a little mascara and foundation -but not everyone of course!) AND ditching the workout clothes.
And by the way, there are plenty of clothes that are comfortable (usually our main attraction to workout clothes:-) but also pretty too. This has nothing to do with body type! Looking nice is a HUGE way of showing honor to our husbands.
Bonus tip: We as women actually feel a sense of well-being throughout the day when we actually “get ready” and change out of the frumpy clothes.
Finally, taking care of yourself by eating healthy has absolutely NO BAD SIDE EFFECTS!
You feel great! But the main point for our context is that eating healthy and doing things like exercising actually communicates something to your husband.
Taking good care of yourself communicates to your husband that you value him too. After all, you are one with your husband. He is yours and you are his!
Doing the best with what we have in our physical appearance, eating healthy, and exercising again sets the stage for romance! These actions bless our husbands and they do take notice.
3- Initiate romantic messages & conversation!
This one can be fun and it’s definitely easy to do! A fabulous way a wife can keep the romance alive!
Take a second and send a text to your man that you’re looking forward to see him tonight…
Get a dry erase marker and write a romantic message to him on the mirror that he’ll find in the morning before he leaves or once he gets home…
A quick handwritten note, email, or a note he’ll find in his pocket. Get creative and do this regularly!
And then in person, just initiate flirty conversation with him the way that only you can do!
Like I said, have fun with it! Romance is happening!!
#4- Pray about it- ask for God’s help!
Wanting to enjoy romance with your husband is a longing of a wife’s heart. Therefore, take it to the LORD in prayer. He is the author of marriage. He is FOR marriage!
We should pray for all aspects of our marriage but maybe you need to be reminded this area is sacred too! Ask God to bless this part of your marriage.
Pray Scripture from Song of Solomon and 1 Corinthians 13 over your marriage. Ask God to help you see all you can do to stoke the fire of romance with your husband!
#5- Compliment your Man!
This excerpt from my post “3 Ways a Wife Can Help Her Marriage” addresses this:
“If you want a peaceful, happy marriage, learn the art of the compliment. Affirmations are like magnets and the more you compliment your husband, the more he will be drawn to you in the best way possible.
I’m not talking about fake flattery, but learning how to look for and give genuine affirmations to your husband is huge.
Begin to notice (this is a quick choice).
OPEN your EYES.
When he does it right, encourage him by affirming him. You know, thanking him for something. Expressing admiration about this thing that you noticed. And so on…
These are some areas that are good to complement him if you need a starting point:
his physical traits,
his mental skills,
his financial strengths,
his work ethic,
his spiritual growth…
Have at it and have fun with it!”
And watch how this inclines your husband towards romance with you!!
#6- Initiate intimacy WITH YOUR HUSBAND!
Every wife should initiate intimacy every so often! You are showing your husband that you are still engaged and invite the same from him!
You can definitely have fun with how you initiate intimacy — which is romantic in itself!
I know there is probably not a wife reading this who wishes she and her husband could just be like roommates and that their romance was nonexistent.
No way! Most – very close to every – couple wants to enjoy romantic feelings with their spouse.
A great help in this area is my free “3 Days of Thriving” mini course where you get an email a day for just 3 days- each one has an easy, quick action step to bless your marriage that day. To get the course emailed to you, sign up below!
Time and responsibility often drown out the romantic feelings between a husband and wife… but be encouraged! It only takes one person making some small efforts to really bless this area in marriage.
So enjoy stoking the fires of romance in your marriage today!