Is the art of communication easy for a wife to master? Heavens no! There is a lot of trial and error along the way. But can a wife learn some powerful communication skills that can revolutionize her marriage? Oh yes! Read on for 6 communication skills every wife should master!
Even though every couple is unique, there are strategies in HOW you communicate that work beautifully for everyone. That’s the fun part! These skills have wonderful impact on couples!
#1st Communication Skill Every Wife Should Master: Stop the negative replay!
When communication is more of struggle area, it’s real easy to let some negative thoughts take over.
You know what I’m talking about. We can sometimes let certain thoughts creep in.
- “He doesn’t care…”
- “He is so rude all the time…”
- “He doesn’t love me…”
And many more. Well the tricky thing about negative thoughts is that they FRAME how you see your husband.
If you are wearing “negative glasses”- guess what? That’s all you see.
If you’re thinking about how much he doesn’t care, he doesn’t care, and he doesn’t care- when you see him, it doesn’t matter what he does. He can even give you a hug and all you think is, “See? Like I said, he doesn’t care.”
Proverbs 23:7 speaks to this when it says, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”
(More on this in my post about 3 ways wives can hurt their marriage without meaning to!)
So this negative thought cycle has to stop. You really have to get this one right because it makes such a HUGE difference in your communication! It’s simply a CHOICE.
It’s amazing how a wife taking simple, intentional steps can make a HUGE impact in her marriage! The free 3 Days of Thriving for Wives is such a special 3 Day mini course crafted for the busy wife who wants to THRIVE in her marriage! 1 powerful action step a day for 3 days! 3 Days of THRIVING for WIVES
#2nd Communication skill every wife must master: CHOOSE To THINK THE BEST of your husband!
One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Philippians 4:8: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
When you CHOOSE to think and assume the best of your man, naturally the WAY you communicate is going to be far better received and more effective. You may be hurt by something, but instead you think, “I know he wasn’t trying to be hurtful right then.” etc…
It’s how you want you husband to think of YOU. If you’re behind on some of your household chores, you want him to think things like, “Wow I know she does so much for our family-and things will sometimes get behind. I’m so thankful for all she does do around here.”
You DON’T want him thinking, “Wow, my wife is just a lazy bum. She is slacking at everything around here. She needs to get her act together.”
Ohhhhh no way- you would be so hurt and mad if you knew your husband thought something like that! So you have the same opportunity to speak life to your man by first thinking the very BEST of him!
Just doing that makes a world of difference. It’s truly life-giving for you and those around you to choose to think the BEST of others, especially your husband.
(More on this in post about 3 powerful ways a wife can help her marriage!)
#3rd communication skill every wife must master: ask clarifying questions!
Let’s say you are talking with your husband and he says something that upsets or hurts or angers you. Instead of reacting with those emotions, stop right there, and ASK CLARIFIYING QUESTIONS first.
- “What did you mean when you said…..?”
- “Help me understand…”
- “Tell me more about this that you said…”
If you do this before you let emotions take over, you realize more of what he meant.
Arguments are usually unintentional communication misfires. When you ask clarifying questions before you run wild with something he said, you often find there is nothing to argue or be upset about. It was just not communicated or heard accurately the first time.
That’s why clarifying questions are so very important for couples! Learn to do this and you will see huge communication improvement!
#4th communication skill every wife must master: Make summarizing statements!
This skill works in a similar way but it is still a separate skill. If you are upset by something you think your husband has communicated, stop again before you get upset.
You have to make sure you actually do have a disagreement! Make a summarizing statement of what you THINK you just heard. Or what you THINK it means that you didn’t hear him say something.
- “So what you’re saying is….”
- “What I just heard you say is…”
- “Because you didn’t respond, that must mean…”
You know what the response to those usually is? Your husband will usually say, “No- that’s not what I was saying. This is what I meant….”
And you both talk a little more and are now set up for success at getting on the same page.
It’s amazing how miscommunication is often completely fixed when you just summarize what you heard and your spouse can then clarify.
#5th communication skill every wife must master: Wait your turn!
This one applies to times when there is tension and emotions are running high. It’s easy for us to think quickly and start talking over the other person.
That never does go well. This is just a reminder to be mindful of this important skill.
Simply wait your turn. When your husband is talking to you, don’t interrupt him. Seek to hear and understand and when he is finished, you can then ask any clarifying questions and make summarizing statements.
A lot of talking goes from conversation to argument when someone starts interrupting and talking over the other person. Don’t do this! When things get tense, now it’s time to remind yourself to take turns speaking.
You will see, many disagreements stay calm when you apply this simple skill.
#6th communication skill every wife must master: use the “respectful sandwich” rule!
The way your husband receives what you say, mostly comes down to your delivery.
This particular skill has tremendous impact.
The “respectful sandwich” rule can be put like this: When you want to share something that may be hard for your husband to hear, you start with communicating respect to him, you then say what you wanted to say, and you finish with a respectful thought to him.
*An example of a wife NOT using the “respectful sandwich” rule:
“The things you say are just rude and thoughtless. You don’t ever consider me or all that I’m doing. You show zero compassion and thankfulness.”
Those are some hard words for a wife to be thinking about her husband and for a husband to be hearing from his wife.
Let’s keep the wife feeling the same emotions BUT choosing to deliver her thoughts using the “respectful sandwich” rule.
*An example of a wife using the “respectful sandwich” rule:
“I’m sure this is not your intention, but when you said “blank”, that felt hurtful to me. And I know you have so many things on your plate and on your mind, and you’re doing so much in your job and for our family. So I know you don’t mean to communicate this, but when you say “this” or do “that” it makes me feel like you aren’t thankful for any things I do for our family.”
“I know you’re probably trying to encourage me and I appreciate your heart in that. But when you speak to me like that it makes me feel like you just don’t have compassion. I know you do have compassion, but it just doesn’t feel that way when you say it like that.”
Do you see the MASSIVE DIFFERENCE? You’re still able to say some things you’re struggling with, but you’re not attacking your husband. He doesn’t have to go on the defense.
He actually will able to HEAR you. Using the respectful sandwich rule means you are assuming the best, you’re communicating deep respect, WHILE voicing some issues that need to be expressed.
This skill is one every wife simply must master!
Communication in marriage is a learned art. These 6 communication skills every wife should master are foundational and can truly be life changing for a wife and her marriage!
You may enjoy these posts as well:
- 3 Ways a Wife Can Hurt Her Marriage Without Meaning To
- 3 Powerful Ways a Wife Can Help Her Marriage
- 3 Days of Thriving For Wives
- What Wives Can Do To Keep the Romance Alive in Their Marriage
The 3 Days of Thriving could be a great help too! One email a day for the 3 days lays out a quick, meaningful marriage action step you can take that day to bless your marriage! It’s fun AND super impactful!
Sign up for the 3 special days below!