How can a wife help her Marriage? These 3 powerful ways!!
Marriage can be a great blessing but it is far from easy to do the wife thing well.
I mean, husbands and wives don’t just automatically, intutively make their marriages great (if they ARE great). No, we all need help and direction and encouragement and motivation, right?
Ofcourse we do!
At the time of writing this, I’ve been married for almost 17 years. That may seem like a lot to some and peanuts to the true veterans out there:-) For as long as I can remember, I have loved LOVE and had a heart to encourage other wives in ways they can help their marriages!
Years of being in ministry has allowed me to know the inner-workings of many marriages! I truly want all wives (& husbands, but this is for the wives:-)) to THRIVE! And I’m sure if you are married, you too want to thrive as a wife as well!
We as women are quite busy (breaking that down is for another post) and have many distractions and obligations vying for our time. In light of that, these are things that don’t require a huge amount of time or even mental energy.
But they are MARRIAGE GOLD.
These ways a wife can help her marriage have alot to do with meeting your husband’s greatest need: respect.
A FEW WORDS ON RESPECT FIRST…
The One who created marriage did give us wives a clear mandate on how to relate to our husbands- and that is with respect. (For those who want to read it for themselves- Ephesians 5:33)
Respect is funny in that in our culture, we all seem to agree that love should be given unconditionally (especially to us:-) but respect?
Now that is something that should be earned.
So many wives think their husbands have to earn their respect and that they have to feel respect to give it.
I think that’s some GOOD NEWS right here before we even get to the 3 ways A wife can help her marriage!!
If you are someone who is not in a great place in your marriage and you don’t exactly feel much respect for your husband, no worries for now because we don’t need to feel all respectful in order to apply these things!
By the way, I realize I’m not at all addressing if you agonize over wishing your husband would say or do things differently in how he relates to you. That’s because we can’t control him or make him do anything.
You know that.
That’s not our job. We can only control us.
VERY good news again- just one person in the marriage making some changes (in our case, the wife) can drastically improve the marriage for both people!!!
Applying these 3 WAYS will naturally be a huge step forward in meeting your husband’s greatest need. As a result, you will have a blessed man in the house and your marriage is set up to greatly improve. Dare I say THRIVE.
Here is the first powerful way a wife can help her marriage.
#1- THINK RESPECTFUL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND
You can CHOOSE what to THINK about your husband.
My goodness, we can do alot of good here or alot of damage here. When you live close up, ofcourse you see the plus’s AND the minus’s of your man.
If you choose to FOCUS on the minus’s, what happens is you start to SEE MORE minus’s. Whatever you look for in someone, you find it.
So if you are thinking and dwelling on how he has failed you, gotten on your nerves, how he hurt you when he said this or that, etc, guess what?
That’s what you will see!!!
But, if you choose to focus on his plus’s, guess what will happen?
The plus’s will increase!!
Try me on this. For real! It won’t just be a CHOICE to respect but an overwhelming DESIRE to respect.
Doing this in the middle of the busy-ness you already have going on? Easy. You are already thinking things all through the day. This is just tweaking your thoughts to submit to what you choose to think about.
When my husband and I first got married, I became keenly aware of how differently we handled time. He is a free spirited, not-in-a-hurry, just-in-the-moment kind of dude. I, on the other hand, am always aware of what time it is, love making a plan for the day and doing it exactly as planned.
You can imagine we had some friction there right?
I wasted plenty of time thinking DISrespectful thoughts about my husband and dwelling on how much this frustrated me. Those thoughts naturally led to my disrespectful words to him creating even more strife.
When I took this advice, I started choosing to think on the things that I loved about my husband, to focus on what I was thankful for about him.
And Oh my goodness!!
Over not even that much time, MORE things came to mind that I loved and felt thankful for.
MORE plus’s kept coming!
The whole how-we-handle-time-differently thing? That’s the best part!! Even that difference became something endearing about my husband and something that we laugh about and have a great time with.
This is one example of this one way you can totally help your marriage if you apply it.
Like I said, marriage GOLD!!!
(Check out my post about 3 ways a wife can hurt her marriage too!)
#2- SPEAK WORDS OF LIFE TO YOUR MAN
The book of Proverbs in the Bible says the tongue has the power of life and death (right here).
Reigning in your tongue, not relaxing here at all.
Even if you wouldn’t describe his words to you as life giving. Remember, we can’t change or control our husband, so this is about what a WIFE can do to drastically improve her marriage!
If you want a peaceful, happy marriage, learn the art of the compliment. Affirmations are like magnets and the more you compliment your husband, the more he will be drawn to you in the best way possible.
I’m not talking about fake flattery but learning how to look for and give genuine affirmations to your husband is huge.
Begin to notice (this is all a quick choice).
OPEN your EYES. (Remember we aren’t focusing on things we don’t like about our husband so we have a few moments to do something in its place!)
When he does it right, encourage him by affirming him. You know, thanking him for something. Expressing admiration about this thing that you noticed. And so on…
These are some areas that are good to complement him if you need a starting point:
his physical traits,
his mental skills,
his financial strengths,
his work ethic,
his spiritual growth…
Have at it and have fun with it!
This third way that a wife can powerfully help her marriage is one you can do today!!!
#3 CHANGE THE WAY YOU GREET HIM AT THE END OF THE DAY
Ok this one is POWERFUL.
At the end of the day, when you both see each other for the first time- maybe that’s you getting home while he is already home or maybe you are home first and then he comes. Or maybe it’s some other version where you aren’t at “home”.
Either way, when you see each other for the first time,
Stop what you are doing (for this few seconds),
Look at him and……
Hug your man!! A kiss is even better- like a real kiss!!
If instead, we don’t even look up or if we just say “hey” from another room…That’s not showing respect.
Putting your phone down… or whatever you are doing… just stopping and looking at him and hugging him with a warm hello is HUGE!
You don’t know what he’s been through that day. Save the heavy stuff from your day for later. It’s one of the most respectful things you can do and it makes a big difference!
Try me on it and see!!!
Wives can make a huge difference in their marriage applying these 3 powerful tips!
A great help in this area is my free “3 Days of Thriving” mini course where you get an email a day for just 3 days- each one has an easy, quick action step to bless your marriage that day. To get the course emailed to you, sign up below!